updates (no. 1)

-Tomorrow, I leave for college.
-I'm a bit excited, but mostly nervous.
-Still not done packing.
-I got two cartilage piercings and three more lobe piercings.
-I bought a custom domain for this blog!
-Which is a promise to myself to dedicate more time and effort into this space.
-I have been going to hot yoga classes and even though it is really tiring sometimes, I love it!
-I just want to leave a bit of advice here: It's okay to not know your path. Even though others might seem to have their entire lives laid out in front of them, that is their life. Not yours. So there is no need to compare or rush into making any life decisions. Take life step by step. I admit that I stress about my future too much. I keep worrying about what the future holds and how I will make my life meaningful/live it the way I want to. But remember, a lot of people around you are going through the same confusion. You live life by experiencing it. Instead of worrying too much about every little thing, try to enjoy life and grow along the way. We can do this.

j.j.

it is okay to say no.

During my freshman year of high school, I was participating in many clubs and after school activities. Truth be told, I felt overwhelmed by all of the extracurriculars that I was taking on. Slowly, over the following three years, I dropped the activities that I didn't find as important or interesting to me. Those decisions massively helped my mental health and allowed me to focus more on academics and spending time with myself.

However, recently, when applying to colleges and scholarships, I felt like I was lacking in the activities department. Even though I know that I participate in many things, I felt like it wasn't enough. I felt like other people were doing so much more than me while I wasn't making any progress. I always hesitate to describe myself as "hardworking" or "productive" or "well-rounded" because personally, I feel like I am always lacking in some area.

But I have to teach myself that not participating in everything is okay.

It is okay to give yourself what you want.

It is okay to take a break.

It is okay to say no.


Not getting involved in as many extracurriculars as other people is okay.

j.j.

rebranding

I've been thinking about changing Artsy Peacock to deartomysoul for quite some time now. Back in 2011, the blog name Artsy Peacock really suited my character: a creative 11-year-old expressing her ideas on a blogging platform. But now that I'm 18, even though I've archived my old posts and gone in a new direction with this blog, the one thing that I stuck with was the name. It's time for a change. I think it is only right for my blog to grow alongside me.

j.j.

[let's make it another 7 years.]

overflowing bottle

I hate being a teenager. I remember the day I turned twelve. It's a memory that sticks out to me because I was crying so much that day. Maybe there was a fluctuation with my hormones or something, but I just remember crying and crying. Now, I am eighteen. And I still cry. But I cry to myself. I don't want others to see my emotions. I've written so many posts in the past (when I still had my old blog posts up) about keeping all of my emotions bottled up inside and not opening up to anyone. Unfortunately, not much has changed. I am still struggling to find a way to deal with my emotions. There are times when you feel so helpless and for the stupidest reasons. I think the problem with me is that I don't want people to see me being helpless, weak, stupid.

Even though the teenage years are necessary for growing up and I am thankful for all of the mistakes I've made, I can't help but think about everything that I have done and haven't done.

But I've learned that it is never good to dwell too much on the past nor the future. One thing that I learned is to be in the present. I used to hardly be present. However, over the years, I gradually changed that habit. If I have a hard time or if I am being anxious or even if I feel like I'm just stuck somewhere, I think about an anchor in my life. The mere thought of my grandmother who is now in heaven watching over me makes me snap back to reality and focus on my goals.

I know that no matter what happens or what ever decision I make, I will always be completely open with someone.

j.j.

going through the motions

One of my biggest fears is living life day by day. I am afraid of falling into a meaningless routine and not working toward my life goals. I admit I have lived out this fear. There have been days where I think, "What is my purpose? Why am I doing these pointless tasks?" as I do homework, study for a test, or even absentmindedly watch YouTube videos on my bed. I compare myself to others who are more motivated and accomplished than me. When I witness what they are doing, I feel like the work that I am doing is worthless. But I have to remember that it's unhealthy to compare myself or envy others. Everyone is at different stages, working toward different goals. Every little thing that I do contributes toward the big picture. Even if I think that a task I am doing is menial, it's not. Each step taken, no matter how big or small, will end up contributing toward my unique purpose.

j.j.

[i'm happy that i decided to stay.]

changing pace

Throughout my entire Blogger journey from 2013 until now, 2018, I have gone through many thought processes about changing my blog for the better. No matter what it is, I am always thinking about ways to change my work for the better. I have reconstructed my blog, made a new blog, deleted that one, came back to this blog, and took many breaks. Many, many breaks. But my intention has always been the same. To make my writing better. To increase my communication skills. To make new connections with people that I would otherwise not have been able to make. Looking into this new year (let's say that January was a trial month), I will continue to make improvements to my blog. The most important aspect of blogging is, well, blogging. No matter how many new designs, sponsored posts, or followers one has, the reason that people create a blog is to write. And that is what I will continue to do. Write.